I wrote this weeks ago. but wanted to wait to upload it because I was hoping to “run it by” by bestie. But right now, I feel like this post needs to get out there. ———
Have you ever gone through a rough time? Have you ever had a huge moment happen in your life or a huge letdown? Who did you go to with that big news?
Sometimes those that we turn to helps develop who we are going to be and how we cope in the future. Does that person share in your excitement or do they bring you down to their level? Does that person listen to your problems or make it about themselves? It’s hard to ask yourself these things because we often get comfortable with who we’ve created a bond with. Having a bond with someone doesn’t always mean it’s a good thing, having a bond could mean that they’ve seen you through all your *crap* or they share the same experiences with you and now you have a trauma bond. Misery loves company, right?
No – that’s not how you review, reflect and either move on from it or change.
Someone being those things isn’t necessarily bad, but how they assist you in your moment, does dictate if it’s a bad or good bond.
I have had the privilege of having 1 best friend since I was 15 or so, we did have that misery loves company things going on. We would binge eat together, we would get drunk together on all nights of the week and would chase after the excitement together – not the healthy type of excitement. The type of excitement that would become toxic and ultimately hurt us in the end.
BUT – we grew together! We went through our phases of toxicity, body dismorphia, negative gossip – you name it. Now that we are both in our early 30’s, we can truly look back and see how much we’ve grown, on our own but also together, especially right now. We have found that we’re looking to improve in not just ourselves but also hold the ones we love, accountable. We can call each other out on our bullshit so quickly, mainly because we know exactly how the other one works – but also because we know the other will be receptive. Even if we don’t agree right away, the other can offer a different point of view and the other LISTENS! That’s a healthy relationship, people!
Crazy right, not just agreeing because you feel obligated, but listening to what they have to say so that you can get out of your own way and see things from a different point of view. The goal is to see how we could be wrong or if not wrong, what we could do to improve – if anything – I mean I’m not saying you always have to be wrong but people can often get in their own way and need to take a break and look at things differently. The outcome may still be the same but at least you can see a different viewpoint the next time you encounter that issue.
What I’m trying to say, in a verrrry long winded sort of way, is that it’s so important who you let in and who you create that special bond with. Because that person will always have a vulnerable part of you that you can’t get back, so think about who gets that privilege, wisely. Don’t allow another person to keep you stuck in negativity – again, misery loves company – your friend could be a foe in disguise. Or maybe your friend needs to be encouraged to grow with you!
When you find those friends that create the healthy type of relationship you so greatly need and deserve, hold onto them, and make sure you appreciate them because not many people have that!
Well said!!!