(Originally written September 9th, 2021)
I truly hope you understand the reference, if you don’t, it’s not important.
Today I think I need to write about mental stability. In moments I’m overwhelmed, in some I’m underwhelmed and lately I’ve just been blah – hence the “whelmed” title.
7 months, doesn’t seem like a long time but I find time to be relative now. It depends on the person and what that moment or series of events means to them. Say you’re having a rough time at work, and that goes on for 7 months, that may seem like an eternity or say you’re on vacation for 7 days (or 7 months) and that may seem like it passed in the blink of an eye.
7 months is how long little A has been with us and it has been such a roller coaster. It’s been rough, rocky, vein popping, fun, exciting, surprising and draining, and that’s sometimes all in the same day.
Ash and I have slowly come to realize how important our mental state is, in going through fostering a child – yes, I’m sure the same goes for those that are parents in general —-ugh, let me pause —-
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY STORY AND NOT ME COMPARING MYSELF OR SITUATION TO OTHERS. I WILL NOT FOLLOW UP EACH SENTENCE I SAY MAKING SURE I AM ALSO SPEAKING FOR OTHERS THAT ARE NOT IN MY EXACT SHOES. Thank you 🙂
We were at a point of no longer being a team and were striking at each other on how much we had on our own plates at any given time. It almost became a power struggle, who did this, or who did that, who did more. It became resentful over the smallest things. When a child doesn’t listen or acts out constantly, you feel like you don’t have a handle or control of things, you search for what you can control and that’s usually pointed in the wrong direction. We had to take a step back and think about us.
Ashlee and I decided to take a few days off work (a month ago) and have 3 day dates while little A was in school. We wanted to come back to ourselves, our relationship, our happiness again. So we did. It helped reset us for a bit. Ashlee moved her schedule around to have more responsibility in the morning and then I would take after school and then we would both have evenings. That’s not to say the parenting got any easier, but we had each other again. We were each other’s sanity again. A daily check-in.
I’m one to dwell, I think things to DEATH – not my best quality. So when we have a super rough night with little A, I can’t let it go and it eats at me. I become hopeless and frustrated and well, whelmed (blah). Ashlee is great at picking me up and dusting me off but this brings me back to mental stability, someone can’t only rely on their significant other to always be there to take their stress and overwhelmed-ness and make it all better.
6 months – it took 6 months for Ashlee and I to put our mental stability first – in this new situation. This is something that we should’ve done from day 1. Too little too late when you are thrusted into parenting a 6 year old.
So a take away – if you find yourself being overwhelmed, underwhelmed or just whelmed – take some “you” time! Check in with you and find what you need to be none of those *and don’t feel guilty for taking that time*!
*** November 15th update – Ashlee and I no longer have little A, and have chosen to no longer foster.